Questioning Myself
photos by Branimir Miladinov

Questioning Who I am Is a Loop Pattern I Broke Off From

Now I Just Experience Myself & Trust my intuition

Who am I? I have been asking myself this question every day for a while now. It’s been getting a little tiring. Since I was little I have been listening to everyone’s feedback so I can be a better girl, a better woman, a better professionalist and a better human. Some people think of me as an incredible creaturelike being and put me on a pedestal. Others have deemed me unworthy, weak and unfit for this world. “Eleonora, you are too naive, too confident, too emotional, or just in general too much” This has brought me to a constant loop of questioning who I am. 

 

I Have Been Listening To My Fears Instead Of My Dreams.

All of those negative things people said ever said about me, I have been fearing. My fears took the form of the people I have met to teach me I shouldn’t be afraid. It’s just an illusion. I can’t be defined this simply. No human can be so easily described. We are not one-dimensional and we can’t generalize ourselves and the others and confine them in simple words. People have patterns. When the patterns are repeating many times they build character. If we don’t like ourselves we can change that character and become someone who we like. We shouldn’t fall into the trap loop of questioning who we are.

 

I allowed others to define me and that led me to more questioning

My greatest mistake so far has been letting other people defining who I am. The loop of questioning myself has been torture. I have allowed people to accuse me of even being a thief, only because I didn’t know how to stand for myself.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B99w0I-Dxhm/

 

Family&Friends Are Key

This is why we have people around, family & friends who are good-intended towards us. This is who we should listen to. Not all of us are lucky to be born in families who are good-intended towards us, so I mean the people have proven to be trustworthy and reliable.

It could even be a teacher or a neighbour.

I should have followed my dreams

My dreams always consisted of being an artist, a painter, a dancer, an actor, a scientist, a politician. I didn’t care that that was a lot of dreams. When I was growing up, they were all shut down one by one, one way or another by other people. I never tried again.

 

Choosing The Right Path

It’s has been a colourful journey to discovering my own voice. I had to be exposed to various humans, philosophies, fails, pains, art pieces, courses & workshops to feel like I hear myself. It has been worth it. I can say now I have been listening & experiencing who I am for the first time since I was a child and I have never felt more wholesome.

 

I stopped being offended 

Being offended is a choice, and it is one of a victim pattern. By not taking offence I have stopped accepting others negative definitions of me as true. This has led to less conflict, but also made some people angry. They were used to me feeling guilty and sad and they were very surprised to see me change so rapidly. Nobody expects from me to stand up for myself with such ease. Some of them distanced themselves from me and said I had changed too much for them. I am grateful that the ones who stayed, celebrated my new version alongside me.

 

The beginning of doing what I want instead of what others expected of me

I haven’t mastered myself. Still, I keep trying to figure out exactly what I want. I still question who I am. The only difference is I now follow my own voice and I am doing what my intuition tells me. I have no idea what life has in store for me. I just am curious and excited to make the best out of it.

 

Question Less Who You Are & Experience Yourself Instead

This might sound easier said than done. Don’t be discouraged though. Change is a process that takes time and humans should have patience towards themselves & others. With that being said, take care of your own happiness and well-being because you are here to be responsible firstly for yourself and only then for others.

We are on this big planet called Earth and everyone is fighting for breathing. The flight attendants always say “First put your own mask & then look around you and see if someone needs help.”

The important part is when we feel content with ourselves, we must prioritize helping others, too.

Thus we will move forward better than we were before.

 

If you want me to share a detailed guide list to everything I feel pushed me in the right direction and helped me stop questioning myself, let me know in the comments

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