bride wedding dress

Should I have kids or am I still one?

Photos by: @mslivenska

Model and photo edits: @tutankhamunsmile

I am noticing how my conversations with both women and men my age are naturally drifting around marriage, having a family and children. On one side it’s refreshing to hear a guy talking about kids. But on the other hand, I feel like most of us aren’t ready yet. At least, I haven’t got my shit together, for sure.

Growing up, I replayed the Cinderella Disney animation over and over again until the videotape was exhausted.

bride in a wedding dress

My childhood and teenage years weren’t the best, so in the back of my mind, I always thought some handsome prince will come to the rescue and solve all of my problems. I am 25 now and I until recently I saw myself as a strong independent woman. After all, I co-founded a company, travelled the world alone, have my own blog, has been keeping my cat alive for 4 years and most importantly I don’t keep my mouth shut when I have something to say. Yet, I am waiting for my turn to live my happily ever after.

I am starting to realize I have a lot more growing up to do before I am ready for even a non-serious relationship. Not even mentioning being fully committed and ready for kids.

My parents, my grandparents were all already married with children at my age.

More often than not I had pressure from different people to find a man. My time is ticking, they said so I better hurry up and start thinking about having a family. But the truth is I have always been thinking about my future family. At different times I have even been struggling with my deep desire of having one because nowadays a woman who wants a family is crazy or just weak.

I have made some bad choices and I have had relationships just for the sake of having one. After all, if I am single for a long time, there must be something wrong with me, right?

Bringing children into the world has become a social, moral and political issue

The political situation is not blooming in Bulgaria, nor in most of the world. There is a growing number of people who think it’s immoral to bring a child into this world. Global warming is still not being taken seriously, pollution levels are still high. Humans still haven’t learned they need to work together to survive.  So on top of having to live a healthy, sustainable life of our own we have to have enough resources to be able to provide that for our potential children, too. We need tons of money but with enough free time not to psychologically damage them. If that’s not enough, the whole world is on fire.

I took a step back and started accepting my own desires and let go of the expectations:

  1. I want a family, a big happy one, but not right now, only when I am ready, no matter what expectations others have of me.
  2. Wanting a family doesn’t make me needy, crazy or weak, or my biggest fear – generic. It’s human and natural.
  3. The political situation and global problems should be taken into account, but not at the cost of my own happiness.
  4. My fairytale begins when I start taking responsibility for my life and no prince will be able to do that instead of me.
  5. Our generation shouldn’t compare ourselves to the previous ones, because we have a totally different human experience. Only we can figure it out, both on our own and collectively.

 

 

Huge thank you to the beautiful Gabriela Syarova and talented Miryana Slivenska for letting me use their photos

 

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